Ah but it doesn't, does it?

As the year 2010 winds down, I find myself coming 'round to the same theme time and again. Life is not easy, but it is simple. In saying that I find myself pondering the following... No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted. Can it be that simple? Here's my wishing you all the best in 2011.

I feel a ramble coming on... Read More...

Time stands still

I gave it my all.

Need you as my friend, I'll just have to stand by and wait.

But this song, this song from the band you just can't stand, this song fits.

Read More...

Totally f00kin mad...

The single sexiest song of all time...





This also happens to be 'our' song and each time it comes up on my playlist I find myself thinking of her.

*sigh* Read More...

How long will I slide...

Getting down to the wire now.

Don't know if we have it in us, but, I'm willing to make the attempt.

Are you? Read More...

2011 is upon us and I resolve...

Dec 31 2005, I quit smoking. Was the 3rd time I'd done so, however, this time was different. This time I pigged out. Really pigged out. I mean REALLY REALLY pigged out to the point of gaining over 100lbs.

Though I thoroughly enjoyed all the pop/pizza/chocolate/chips/burgers and ice cream I'd devoured, my body was in full scale rebellion. Kidney stones and heart issues were the order of the day.

By years end I started smoking again.
Now, what to do about all the weight I'd gained.

On Dec 31 2008, weighing 335lbs I decided I'd procrastinated enough and vowed to lose the weight by the beginning of 2010.

It took me 18 months instead of 12 but, I did it. I did it naturally with only exercise and diet. When I say diet I'm not saying dieting, per se. I ate whatever I wanted, I just ate less.

Today, one day short of 2011 I am again 225lbs... and have no stretch marks! I can also see my toes (heck, I can TOUCH my toes). Not bad for an old guy.

Why the ramble?

Because I'm now on day 2 of not smoking.

See, by 2010 I'd wanted to have lost the weight and by 2011 I wanted to quit smoking, again. Though this time without gaining all that weight.

I want chocolate... argh!

I will resist, but I want it bad.

So then, do you resolve to better anything about yourself? Read More...

f00k!

I've a friend in need and no vehicle!

Just git yer ass over here now buddy! Read More...

I know now that I have failed you...

Will you let me atone?
Will I get another chance?
To be best of friends?
Sit for hours on end speaking of nothing and everything and feeling as if there is no one else in the world?
Laugh 'til it hurts?

Thought we cannot be together, we are always together.
I know this now.

You have touched my soul as deeply as no one else before.

And all I've done is walk away...

So I give you;



I know you feel as I.
I feel you when you're not around, as I know you feel me.

Just once more... to get it right.

Sweetest of friends.

I believe in you. Read More...

The end of the beginning...

F00k everyone else, I'm gonna do what feels right, no matter the cost.
And really, is there any other way?

Will you be there... Read More...

Christmas merry...

Here's wishing everyone a good day with family and friends.

Mine will be a little different this year as Mom has passed, my son is out east and my daughter is out on her own now.

And I am without my one that matters.

Be well everyone! Read More...

Tuesday isn't looking any better...

So I give you...



I have been guilty of kicking myself in the teeth... more than I'd care to admit. Read More...

It's just one of those days...

Mondays... I usually look forward to Mondays, but this Monday in particular is 'just one of those days'...



What irks me to no end (see those little irk bubbles above my head?), are those who say one thing and do another. Actions speak louder than words... oh the irony! Been happening quite a lot of late.

Damn f00kin shame it is too.

I am in need of a f00kin smoke, a f00kin drink and some rock & roll.

Mondays... Read More...

Toronto's Santa Clause parade is today

Am sitting here alone on a Sunday afternoon waiting for a buddy to drop by so's I can kick his ass in darts. Until then I'm engrossed in S5 of Rescue Me, starring Dennis Leary.

Been thinking of those in my life, and of those who've come and gone over the past year. Hoping my son is ok, and that my daughter is doing well on her own.

And st00pid me, am thinking of My One Who Got Away, and hoping she too is doing well.

Miss them all... Read More...

daT mourns the passing of Pat Burns

R.I.P. coach...

Toronto Sun Read More...

It's been a heck of a year

Don't quite know what to say other than it's been quite a year.
Mom passed August 4th. She 'suffered' from Dementia, and the last month she'd had a stroke and a series of 'small' heart attacks.
I miss ya Mom!


I'd had my kids early in life so that as I approached 50 *cough* I'd be 'done'. With my youngest now 'out of the house' I'm free and clear to do as I see fit.

So, as a buddy of mine did, I'm heading off to Afghanistan with the Americans. Should I 'prevail'... I'll make enough cash in 3-5 years to last the remainder of my days.

Looking forward to it actually.

Personally, I've had a few 'smacks upside the head'. Women... what can one say other than **#(&*(@#R)(

Was 'fun' while it lasted.

more to follow...
Read More...

What have I become... my sweetest friend

I think I've just made the single biggest mistake I'm every likely to make... Read More...

Today is a day

In saying it's been one of those days I'd be giving you a meaning that would be misleading.


IT HAS BEEN A COMPLETELY AWESOME DAY!


I'm feeling especially creative today. One avenue I've been looking at for a few weeks now is starting/joining a band.


And so I present a charismatic lead singer and multi-instrumentalist looking for a band.

Writing in earnest, perhaps even a piece of non-fiction. This is something I've tried doing previously and got bogged down in the process.

The purpose in writing is to write.

And so I shall. Read More...

So, I'm single and looking...

I've grown weary of the 'bar' scene and have signed up at plentyoffish.com (henceforth known as PoF).

I have to say although I'm impressed with the site and the response, I'm not so impressed with the lies and deceit.

Lying about ones age, posting pictures that are 5yrs and 40lbs ago... is that starting off on the right foot? Is this what I'm to expect?

Dating sucks... Read More...

Argh

Why can I not have the timestamp as follows; 6/25/2010 22:19hrs
Notice the 24hr clock.
Meh... Read More...

Now here I go again... etc

Know the rest of the lyrics?

Think David Coverdale.

I mean, really!

Is this the way for me? Read More...

Rule#2

Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Read More...

How to get to Rule #2...

This is where the debate begins.

I'll ask first if you even have a rule that overrides all others.

Do you?

Do you have what is commonly referred to as a golden rule?

We've met those who seemingly do not. If that be the case, move along please.

Unless of course, you're ready to consider the possibility of what the idea might mean to you.

Right?


A Google of The Golden Rule produces the following:

• Wikipedia - The Golden Rule is an ethical code that states one has a right to just treatment, and a responsibility to ensure justice for others. It is also called the ethic of reciprocity.

• A fellow by the name of Harry J. Gensler has a short essay on the matter. He is a proponent of a global ethics. Check out his page, its worth a look. (See the menu bar on his page for a direct link to his golden rule). 

• Ethics of Reciprocity in 21 World Religions

Hmm, religion, business ethics and morals.

I'm not religious.

I'm most certainly spiritual.

Personal Ethics and Morals are part of my Golden Rule. They'd have to be as my golden rule is to look out for yourself first. If you don't this must mean you're NOT looking out for yourself. Now why would I willingly choose to do that? Why would I CHOOSE to not see how something affects me before I act?

It means of course, I'm not looking first.
And to look first, we must have a viewpoint.

And that viewpoint starts with me.

Starts with you...

If we all have a golden rule, what is yours?

Does my saying that everything starts (and ends of course) with me, a 'bad' thing?

Does this make me selfish?

WTF, of course not.

If my Rule#1 is It all Begins and Ends with Me, my Rule#2 (ironically religious in nature) must be...

          "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." Read More...

Rule #1

It all Begins and Ends with Me. Read More...

Words of wisdom, let it be

A friend sent this to me yesterday.

It is better not to be in a relationship at all than it is to be in one that continues to link closeness to betrayal, abandonment and isolation.

Acceptance...

At this point, it says more about me than what was once 'us'.

Accept, learn... and move on.

So be it.

More rambles to come. Read More...

Californicated

Fuck.

Being alone again, why does it have to feel so lonely?

So, here begins a story of my falling in love, for only the second time in my life. And (yes, you CAN begin a sentence with and), as it would be inappropriate of me to use her real name here, we'll just call her Ashley.

So, Ashley is younger than me. A lot younger. 20 years younger, and as I'm 47, well, the world doesn't approve. Nor did her Mom, or her step-dad, whom I'm older than.

Go ahead, I can smell your disapproval from here.

Its really all about image for you, isn't it?

Does it look right, feel right, smell right.

Why do we crave approval and spend our lives being disapproved of.

Why are people so afraid of just being ourselves?

Get over it. Read More...

Where we are one...

I've just read the single most beautiful letter I've ever received (and am likely to ever receive).

I just wish I could believe her. Read More...

Regrets?

No.

As has been said, seemingly often of late... everything happens for a reason. I happen to agree with that, yet have struggled over the past year with its acceptance.

Is there 'good' in people who are 'bad'? Or is simply being a bad person enough to label them a lost cause... a Lost Soul? What defines a good person? What about a bad person?

As I'm not 'religious', how am I so certain that I have a soul?

I am my soul.

I am... me.

Is this just random nonsense from me because I just finished a d00b?

... Read More...

So...

I'm sitting here puffin on a d00b, and I'm going over the past year. Wow... Read More...

Ticking away?

Where do I begin?

The last six months have been, at times, overwhelming.
Physically and emotionally.

I've a steel plate and 7 screws in my left forearm (story to follow at a later date). Sure it'll be interesting.

The rest, well... it won't come so easy.

Perhaps I'll just make a list of random thoughts (sure to grow upon recall).
Perhaps just ramble on and see where it takes us.
Perhaps... Read More...